O Shenandoah! A Rustic Refrain

O Shenandoah! A Rustic Refraineagle



Writing from the central Blue Ridge Mountain area of Virginia, Bunny Stein is pictured here with her family on the porch of a log home they constructed near Sherando.

"Toe Ache"

By Bunny Stein

For months I had been experiencing a problem with a corn on my toe, so I went to my family doctor. He looked at it and said, "I'm afraid you must go to a foot specialist for this matter."

So off I go to see Dr. Pod, who looked at my foot and said, "I think you should see a toe specialist for this matter."

So off I go again to see Dr. Tod, the toe specialist. He looked at my toe and said, "A toe nail specialist is the only think that will help in this matter."

So off I go once again, hobbling, to see Dr. Nod, the toe nail specialist. He looked at my toe and said, "Bunny, I think you need to go to a psychiatrist. I can't find anything wrong with your toe. I believe it's just your imagination."

In the meantime, I called an ambulance to pick me up and take me to my bank to take out a thirty year loan to pay off Dr. Pod, Tod, and Nod.

Then I proceeded to see Dr. Nutt, the psychiatrist, who said, "Now, Bunny, I want you to go way back into your childhood and tell me what you remember. How about when you were two? What comes to your mind?"

"Well, Doc," I said, "I seem to remember some wet diapers and sometimes I drank milk from a bottle and it wasn't good and I'd spit it up."

"Oh, come on now, you can remember more than that," said Dr. Nutt.

"Well,... I do remember my parents calling me 'Sprout'."

"That's it!" said Dr. Nutt. "Your parents warped your mind at an early age and you grew up thinking you were an ear of corn. Now this corn on your toe, which is merely a figment of your imagination, will simply go away in time as you visit a therapy group called the Corn Huskers. About seventy-two visits to this group ought to get you off to a good start and maybe in ten or twelve years, with proper medication, you will have a normal toe.

"You may pay my receptionist your first installment payment on your way out. But remember, all late payments will cost you a high interest rate and if you don't pay, we'll foreclose on your home, we'll take your car, your pets, and your Grandma, if she's still around."

Articles and stories by Bunny Stein have been published in various hardcopy magazines and newspapers. She may be reached through her daughter, Teri Stark, by e-mail at bruce-teri@rica.net. "Toe Ache" appeared previously in "Bits and Pieces" of Senior Memories, Waynesboro, VA.

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"Toe Ache" Bunny Stein, 1997. All rights reserved.