The Eye, with jewels

Chameleon: An Interactive Exploration

Part VI -- Reminiscing Anecdotally

"The world of books is the most remarkable creation of man. Nothing else that he builds ever lasts. Monuments fall, nations perish, civilizations grow old and die out; and, after an era of darkness, new races build others. But in the world of books are volumes that have seen this happen again and again, and yet live on, still young, still as fresh as the day they were written, still telling men's hearts of the hearts of men centuries dead."
-- Clarence Shepard Day, Jr., once-reknowned author, poet, artist, and outspoken supporter of women's rights

"My love for you is like the ocean: vast, volatile, and potentially deadly."
-- male cartoon character to his woman friend on a valentine card he's made for her

"The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so."
-- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899), a Civil War veteran, political leader, and orator who presented what were then considered radical views on religion, slavery and women's suffrage

"For you shall go out in joy/ and be led back in peace./ the mountains and hills before you/ shall burst into song./ and all the trees of the field shall/ clap their hands."
-- Isaiah 55:12

"In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you."
-- Deepak Chopra, medical doctor, author and speaker, pioneer in the field of mind-body medicine and named by Time magazine among the "Top 100 Icons and Heroes of the Century" in 1999, "the poet prophet of alternative medicine"

Lady Liberty, 'We can do no other' Judaica
I, A Woman

Prelude (Abbreviated Synopsis of the Synopsis of Technology and Me) -- Strophe -- Growing Up Rich (To The Manner/Manor Born) -- Manhattan! -- Music and Hippiedom -- Settling Down and Yuppiedom -- Technology and Careerism -- Wilderness Basics (Beasts and Heathens Part 1) -- Art and the Internet (Beasts and Heathens) -- Epic Coitus Interruptus -- Town/Community Life -- Frivolities -- Beasts and Heathens (Finale) -- Recoveries -- Reprise -- Joie Plaisir Eibr -- NOW (New Original Word)


On request at the outset of this Chameleon Project, "Josh" --
Hank-- agreed to participate in providing indispensible assistance in reminiscence and readability, presentation format and structural functionality, emphasizing the the three golden "H"s of humor, humanity and honesty throughout by detail and overall. It was a usually interesting and inventively adventurous romp through our decades here, being nearly the same age, and a way to share and reexperience them together with a necessarily altered jointly mutual perspective. It would be unfairly disingenuous to impart that we haven't conflicted in viewpoints and values, dynamically and fecundly, throughout that learning and creating process. -- jH, 12/25/2010

A Chameleon Sky, central star of the Hourglasss Nebula, NASA photograph, Click for their site

Death Becomes Her: The Flowering

".... Don't let the sun go down on me/ Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see/ I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free/ But losing everything is like the sun going down on me...."

-- Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me, music by Elton John and lyrics by Bernie Taupin

Here lies the once-beautiful "Daughter of the Stars," loved and lovely, now victimized -- abused and toxified, brutalized and beaten, criminalized and killed by her own and by their choosing -- in a kind of mass sessesion from humanity and suicide -- a homicide of Virginia, the Commonwealth, and America, the United States.

Goodbye and Good Riddance Epistle for Active, Collusive and Compliant Shenandoah Valley Virginia Traitors and Tricksters, who necessitated creation of Chameleon: An Interactive Exploration as part of recovery from their totally despicable and outrageously inhumane desecrations of every conceivable and inconceivable iteration and duration in allegiance to nothing at all, or worse. As ye sow, so shall ye reap.

Looking down the Valley social strata:
Yes, ugly ones. Very educated, intelligent, good, multi-talented, generous, honest, hard-working, ever-trying folks are just like you in that they pee and fart and can be forced to do unthinkable things by you lawless, loveless, ungrateful and innately jealous, beyond evil ones. So what? You proved that at the bottom of it we're all just human like you? We knew that. And now that you have us all dead or distracted, unable to move, on our knees from what you've done and do to every one and thing -- who will take care of you? Who will lead the world to a brighter day for everyone, including you? Who will teach your children, run your schools and social service programs, take office, manage government programs, entertain you when you're sad and mad, really minister unto you and your families, pay your bills, fix or make all your tech toys, design your clothes and furnishings and housing? Who'll do anything for you -- the helpless ones who took two years to learn to tie your shoes and can't understand basic math, run equipment without major assistance, even interact cogently and communicatively with institutions like medicine and banks, or even fill out the IRS E-Z form by yourselves? Will you do it, be able to? And you want leaders, officials, managers, governors just like you. Do you? Really? Is that working out well for you? Ones without ethics, full of hate and prejudice of every kind, lawless, loveless and Godless, stupid and unkind, selfish, stubborn, egotistical in the fact that they too are just slime? It's your world. You're the voters now. It's up to you. You rule. Drooling over your grits and corn pone, beating your dogs and children and women when you're angry, and hating God maybe for ever making you the way you are. Interestingly, I've worked with and known folk worse off, sometimes way worse off than you -- the disabled, some in pretty much every conceivable way, who probably couldn't even understand the concept of God to love or hate that reality. But they were sweet and loving, funny and kind, even understanding and helpful as well as they could be. In some ways, they're lights in the world just every bit as much as some others who are so much more obviously and multiply blessed. You're the rotten ones in-between, the apples that sour all the rest. Who'll take care of your disabled children, or sisters or brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, or parents with medical care and caring therapies and assistance? Not you. You don't know how and can't and maybe don't care anyway, being pretty heartless at your core.

Looking up the Valley social strata:
But you're the ones, the supposedly intelligent and educated and powerful elite there, who bowed and pandered to the uglies in breaking all the laws of man and God to put them in charge of everything possible. So it's all up to them. And you're in their hands too. That's justice for you. There's really not much I can do. You've all done your best (read worst) to make sure of that. I'm sorry for you, but it's the world you choose and chose and made for yourselves. I don't honestly see how I can help very much, since you've made such a point of denigrating, dismissing, disabling, embarassing, humiliating, degrading, disenfranchising and destroying me in their eyes in front of them to break any ties and abilities I might have had in guiding and leading them more healthily. And they were friends of a sort that I really did care about. I don't think from your perches of abstract logic and theory, you really did, nor honestly interact and know them. You couldn't have or you wouldn't have behaved like that. Your turn to learn, I guess. They're all yours. Have a blast. Let me warn you, though, they're very tiring and demanding if you're really trying to work with and help them in constructive ways. The burden and responsibility of it may just do you in. I'll say prayers for you and your success in accomplishing an extraordinarily difficult task requiring minute awareness, alertness, apprehension, comprehension, understanding and skills on many, many levels. Good luck to you and your families. I wish you well, but I'm through. I don't have it in me, the resources for it anymore of any kind. You've made very sure of that with your destitutions of any real law or equity or fairness, mercy or pity or kindness of any sort toward me and everything I owned by working hard in good directions pretty much all my adult life. You've totally wasted and worn me out there. Do the best you can, just as I did until you intervened with all your insanities, depravities and illegalities to destroy me without helping them at all really -- instilling all the wrong values, beliefs and behaviors in them and encouraging them in all that, rewarding them even with money and property, recognition and very lax law enforcement and education. My third husband, for instance, did make it through the tenth grade in your schools without understanding that he lived in the once-Confederacy and south or being able to spell "clinic" or write a check out for his groceries. And he isn't that incapable. You just encouraged him to slide and muddle through in all the wrong ways. It isn't love or caring for him or anyone like him, or even yourselves and communities really. It's laziness, root condescension, paternalism, and all wrong in every possible and un/imaginable way. Have what you made -- its artifacts and effects on you and your families. You can't ever say I didn't warn you, fight back for the right, or try to correct any one of you every way I possibly could. But you're arrogant and vain in your shortcomings, a parallel fault with them. You all really do deserve each other. I'll never be back in any way. It isn't a world I agree with or want or can live in. It's absolutely deadly and deathly to me. And I think you'll find it is to you, too. But I may be wrong, so ... have it your way. You insisted upon it. You even managed to convince my third ex that books, reading and learning, were stupid little things to do. He didn't used to be that way, but you won, and you taught him. Along with that criminality pays --a lesson there well-learned by a whole lot of people from all walks of life, and all levels of employment.

Looking across the Valley social strata:
"Let's pay Hank to say he's Internet Project Manager of 'the original Valley's home page' and give him lots of prestige and apparent power for doing that. "Ignore it, Hank, that it's criminal and untrue as well as vastly unfair and cruel." The leaders, "movers and shakers" of the Valley. "And look! Now you've got your own website with our help and compliance as well. That's what you really wanted, isn't it? You're doing well, boy. Look at all the money you've made and people you know here with money, influence and power. You're in, kid. Roll away, son, and rock on. Don't let a stupid little thing like love -- or truth or any of that garbage -- get in the way. She's just a woman. You've got better things to do, and you're busy aren't you? Stay. We'll take care of you. You're of us now! One of the boys! Yeah for you! You've made it! You're at the top of the Valley, kid! Take it away!"

Looking at it all from the Mountain Empire:
Please do. I'm pretty busy too. I couldn't care less about anyone there now really, except Hank. And even that's pretty shaky sometimes or totally gone, as you may have noticed occasionally. You can only hit someone so many times with crimes before they just refuse to stand up and get back in the ring again. It's just not worth the effort and energy. There are other forums, other worlds, and people and places much greater and that play by the rules. Why bother? Why not give up, like McCain just did Michigan, and let others blow it away if they want to and can? You're the ones with the money and power there now, having stolen all of mine. You sure made sure it was that way, every step, every day. So, I say the same thing. Take it away, women and men. It's all yours. I'm way too tired. You've also seen to that with all your criminal bashings of me and my property there.

And after all that you still want me to help you, save you maybe? While you keep all your blood money too, for yourselves. I don't think so. I ain't happening. You gotta pay, kids. You gotta pay. Just like I have, only what I got for it I wouldn't trade for all the world for what you have or have been or how you've lived any minute or any day. It turns out it's better to be the very obviously unwilling and uncooperative victim than the intently vicious perpetrator(s). If you land here in Jonesborough Tennessee, anyway. Thank you, God and Jesus and all the holy ecstancies and spirits of great people and every thing and one that's helped me here. I'm always on my way up, despite all of you, and you always seem to be on your way down. Your choice. Take it away. And keep it. I am sorry for you, but I can't save what refuses to make amends or change voluntarily. God gives us free will, all of us, including all of you. I always wonder if you've really thought carefully about where you're going, but it is up to you. So be it.

Theorums and analyses of the holocaust, fascist defeat, and rehabilitation

What if you sent your only beloved Child into the world and allowed/watched your cherished and obedient Son tortured and killed to guide and save the Earth's citizens, who instead relentlessly corrupted the Word, pandered it for money, exploited it through distortion, mass murdered and stigmatized the ones you chose ("The Chosen People") as the Child's spiritual, educational and physical parents and community as being the best and most reliable, and that all despite interventional miracles over the ages, the sending existence of saints and angels, to prove again your goodness, mercy, the glory of your Child, and the love that represents for all your other wayward children? God may just turn His back on this world and concentrate on others. It's an infinite universe. He doesn't have to try to save this one. We should entreat his pity and assistance in healing ourselves, country and world and beg Him to stay as we try to correct our ways for the sake of children, future generations, Earth and its atmosphere. And we need to find, be and become moral leaders, tested and proven, of intellect, knowledge, talent and determination to lead the way in right directions for ourselves and everyone, everything that consists of the world.

Most men are born with a fatal flaw which is successfully exploited by advertising, religion, even politics, and evil women. Men try to blame and secret, punish and destroy women over their own inability to control their desires and their refusal to take responsibility for their own feelings and actions. It's happened throughout the ages and does right now all over the world. But denial of reality doesn't change anything at all. Valley men, in particular, have not proven themselves to be moral authorities in any way at all, just totally defined and defiled themselves, their families, country and world by lawless behaviors and wrong, sick attitudes. Nothing proves more thoroughly how superior free, actualized women really are in every way and how totally inferior white Gentile men (and women) can be and frequently are, particulary when allowed to behave without love or law. There's a reason our forebearers wrote the Declaration of Independence and Constitution the way they did. They weren't idiots about human nature, or philosophy or law. It takes a pathetic kind of self-defeating bravado to ignore their precepts for so many years and go off arrogantly and blindly in wrong, and very obviously illegal and inhumane, directions. To say nothing of ignoring the true teachings of Jesus, all the saints and prophets and kings and queens in the Bible, and leaders like Buddha and Muhammed of other reknowned and relatively ancient religions throughout the eons of spiritual quest and enlightenment. "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" is an admonishment from both the Old and New Testaments, tried and true as a basis of legality and justice, emotive action and reaction. Would anyone -- and their families and friends -- in the Shenandoah Valley, Virginia, like to live through what I, and others associated with me -- especially here in Tennessee (the glorious Mountain Empire) to a somewhat lesser extent and degree, but elsewhere too -- have at their very obviously over-reachingly criminal and meaningfully lethal hands? If so, then I will pray it for all of them and their children.

The nation was created by non-conformists -- people who thought "outside the box" in reaction to monarchy and British rule. They also lived and acted somewhat communally, in concert, with civil room for the expression of differing opinions, insights, philosophies, beliefs and lifestyles. For instance, Washington and Jefferson were slave-holders. Paine and Franklin independent businessmen. Washington had a military background and mindset. Jefferson and Franklin were inventors. All were writers, but most particularly Paine. They worked together with their each unique views and cap/abilities and talents to create a new world, a new nation -- a very extraordinary and awesome undertaking and achievement. The ideas and concepts were revolutionary in their time -- "against the grain" of feudalism and aristocracy, family privilege by name and station and occupation. Of course, the country then was very small in population with a vast wilderness to conquer and "tame" -- clear, cultivate and build upon -- and large land holdings were pretty common. A lot of room and physical isolation and so dependent on individual character and strength. Now we are most often overcrowded, and our "land explorers" are housing and mall developers to accommodate the ever-increasing population by nature and immigration, as smaller family farms become the province of weedeaters and suburban mansions that nearly touch each other so small is their foothold sometimes on the ground and in this new world. Now physically closer, and more criminal, people have put their trust in institutions over home safes and mattresses, so the banking industries have abounded. And all the other service industries -- grocery stores as people become less and less self-sufficient; other supplies, most particularly for building; clothing and furnishings as people very seldom have the time or expertise to make their own anymore.

The arts matter, although they're threatening to automaton systems that depend on unquestioning, conforming behaviors, attitudes and mind constructions for control and profit, putting people into boxes and stereotyping them. It is easier on people's minds than getting to know real individuals, all different and unique. Lumping people together physically and mentally makes them seemingly easier to deal with and control. We need to ask ourselves if we really believe in freedom any more or, like the "Cultural Revolution," a misnomer, in China, we just want conforming, deadening behaviors from the billions for purposes of "order" and "harmony" misconceived. But civilizations move forward and flourish by positive and constructive scientific, socio-political, artistic, spiritual, behavioral and conceptual innovation, "thinking outside the box" of traditional understanding, materiality and structure. Otherwise, we have stagnation and decline. The arts help to open and expand minds in new directions, conformations and insights. They are also important and proven as healing therapies for creator/participants and viewers alike. A safe artistic environment allows exploration and growth, and rewards it materially, at least to liveable levels, for the sake of progress and expansion of nations and civilizations. The Renaissance is a good example. The purpose of Fair Competitive Practices law, of course, is to assure that the most outstanding products and services rise to the top as capitalist economic theory intends in the best interests of markets, nations and populace in creating and extending a great, growing civilization of healthy commerce and expression. And the goal of Civil Rights law is to make sure that the best students, entrepreneurs, employees, administrators, politicians and teachers succeed regardless of race, ethnicity, background or creed for the good of all ("the greater good").

Personally, fission from the force of unnatural behaviors and negative occurrences led hydrogen and carbon atoms comprising my body to become unstable radioactive isotopes of hydrogen and carbon. A lack of brain cell and synaptic stimulation caused their numbness and electrical faintness. Consequent to extended and extensive, belligerant and unrelenting mental and physical attack and distortion, blockage and redundancy developed. Amperage and voltage surges and disconnections from analog fields left perceived images untranslated by knowledge and linguistics, if not totally undocked and lost permanently. Finally, inactivity and rote recitation led to mortality. Psychological maggots began to feed and grow in dead and rotting organic material as the undifferentiated bodily muck crawled and collapsed toward total failure to survive and thrive.

Transported by friendly, positive energies back into a healthy environment, self-directed and divinely instructed atoms reconfigured and stabilized, generating new cells and synapases from envigorating, energizing and exciting input and activity, growing and building exponentially into a similar, but somewhat different organizational entity from remaining dormant memory and experience, learning and reflection, constructive interaction and inspired creativity, imaginative originality and fantastic abilities intrinsic and shared, exercise and reconstruction of personal space, physical and mental, into something loveable and liveable, interesting and enticing, a rich smorgasbord of sensory delight and possibility.

Dozens for my nubile friends

All that is in stark contrast to the deadly labyrinth of distortion, dissension and despair where I'd been wedged without hope, help or mercy by criminal devils high and low, armed and dangerous, unfettered and unprovoked. Naked aggression and self-inflicted wounds. Misery and crying. Terrifying. Converting and trying. Lying and dying. Led and dead. Died, suicide. Just a black hole. Mystifying. Stumbling and grumbling. Praying and delaying. Unenviable and unalluring. Dismal and small. Cursing and calumny. Undeniable and unspeakable. Harm and alarm. You aren't supposed to do things like that to living, breathing people. A tooth for a tooth. You set me loose. I'm over it. You're just sh-t. Have a fit. It's a comedy skit. I don't care. I'm not there. Undeniable and decriable. Indescribable. Love forever. You should never exist anywhere. And I don't scare that easy. Here it's breezy. You're still sleazy.

How the debits and credits balance each other out to nothing. The concept of zero. Villains and heroes. Dizzy. In a tizzy. What's killed is killed. There is no second coming. And all your running makes no difference at all. It's The Fall permanently. How will you account for it? Because Judgement Day is coming. Judgement is here. Watch God and the angels sneer. You thought you knew me. Believed you'd screw me. But I'm free now to pick and choose who will be my company. And that's how it should be. In this country. It's name is America. The United States of America. Home of the brave. Not the slave. And the free. Not tyranny. I'm so proud and glad to say I'm a resident citizen of the U. S. of A. Perhaps you might want to emulate it. 'Cause what you've got ain't worth spit.

If I die from predations at least it will be under auspices of the Mountain Empire and United Nations which terms what you did to my property and me, and others, crimes against humanity. We all have to answer to Divinity in the end. So, what did you do to a neighbor, a friend? And where will St. Peter send you? Money's just worth something for a little while, but it won't buy nothin' on the other side. All your deeds will gitcha is a fancy settee in Hell if they'll letcha.

Twenty-three books on-line and for hardcover in various stages from conceptualization to completion (13 written, or nearly; 2 partially complete; 2 somewhat started; 5 conceptualizations) and seven chapbooks


  • O Shenandoah! * -- on-line anthology of art in various media from many sources
  • A Country Rag * -- cyberspace community compilation of resources from individuals to organizations
  • Chameleon: An Interactive Exploration * -- internet excursion through history from individual to universal
  • I, A Woman ! -- autobiography
  • All Of Us & -- history
  • Outrageous Women + -- anecdotal biographies
  • Exhausting Lives & -- work histories and stories
  • Blackout + -- expose
  • Flesh And Blood * -- chronologically ordered short stories
  • Adanta * -- unusually arranged anthology of mingled poetry and short stories
  • Gestalt * -- chronologically ordered poetry
  • Gifts * -- acrylics
  • Coprolalia * -- invectives and incantations
  • Tapestry * -- an erotic novel about four youngish women friends and their interactions with each other, the men in their lives, one set of parents and his extramarital companion
  • Etcetera * -- love poems chronologically to relate a story
  • Notations * -- articles
  • Lessons From The Animal Kingdom + -- instructive stories about behaviors observed in animals
  • Omigosh, Josh & -- biography of someone who has never failed to be an interesting person
  • Sole Fide ! -- politics and religion
  • Excalibur and The Holy Grail & -- story of how a couple in unique and unexplored ways resurrected and restored themselves and each other from unprecedented, in this country anyway, distortion, degradation and destruction by criminalities and lies, with his retaining more physical and financial strength and her clearer mentality and spirituality, to create and construct positive, lively, loving and unusual movement toward worthwhile realities and goals for themselves and others and express that new consciousness, knowledge and insight through art and other communications
  • Heat and Night Sweats & -- multifarious pressures, personal, professional, academic and intimate
  • The Deep End * -- apocalyptic poetry and prose
  • Jeannie * -- erotic short stories and poetry
  • Chrysos * -- hardcore cartoons from institutionalization
  • Anyway ! = addenda and miscellany
  • The Boom + = a history of the growth and expansion of the internet from a personal perspective: where we were and where we are now
  • OSCR Anthology * -- one short story from each contributor
  • Senedo Seasons * -- poetry about Virginia's Shenandoah Valley
  • Gifts * -- love poetry from over the years
  • Chrysos * -- poetry from difficult situations
  • The Deep End * -- writing from inhumanities
  • Apocalypse * -- poetry warnings
  • Etcetera * -- chronological love poetry to, about and for Hank
(* = done, or mostly done; ! = partially complete; + = somewhat started; & = conceptualization)

He's The One

God works in mysterious ways. I've become over the years very comfortable with Divinity having spent a lot of time exclusively in that company. We don't always agree, although I do relate information and follow instructions faithfully. As a consequence of a deputy sheriff's neglect of his duty to serve citizen homeowners and their property, and subsequent legal irregularities, I moved over ten years ago to the Mountain Empire, a much more open, friendly, enriching and energizing, supportive environment for me in every way and got to know so many extraordinary people, places and events I'd never have experienced otherwise, because I would have stayed where I was in Virginia's Shenandoah Valley, as intended and foreseen, until I died. Although I expect many people will find the following difficult or impossible to believe and accept, God sent messages, including vision and voice and most particularly "Cycling" and "Politics" and later "In God We Trust" through me in extreme illness and disability that I have followed, interpreted, written down and disseminated as well as I've been able within the parameters of technology and art, language and graphics, and energy.

Shortly after moving back to Jonesborough TN, I yelled at God, shaking my fist metaphorically as the leader of the local Eckankar group suggested with good humor, "WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO 'DELIVER ME FROM EVIL'???" and God answered, "I got you here, didn't I?" Much later when I asked, "Why me? (I have a life and website basically dedicated to your existence, name and glory, etc.)" about barely surviving multitudinous extremely painful and uncomfortable events and experiences over so many years, God said, "Because so many people loved you." Being a sometimes uppity, grumpy and recalcitrant servant of the light, I answered, "Thanks a lot. I guess I'll get over it all in about a million years or so." In between those times, God told me to "rule the light and the darkness," an instruction I didn't understand very well and to which I responded by releasing nearly all of my writing that had been held privately up until that time. There isn't much a person can do about what they learn and perceive and know but tell it and let whoever chooses to listen and comprehend act upon their apprehension and knowledge.

The reason I know that Hank's the one for me is that I have no command or ability with language, including poetry, or graphics even, to express and communicate the profoundest to funniest truths without his lovingly insistent input and sometimes patient and wide-ranging companionship and company, which is sexual, sensual, sensory, sensitive and sensible, as well as stupendous. And healing. It sizzles.

Le monde sans la fin. World without end.

"My country, 'tis of thee,/ Sweet land of liberty,/ Of thee I sing...."

-- America, lyrics by Samuel Francis Smith and melody derived from British anthem God Save the Queen or King

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"Home -- that blessed word, which opens to the human heart the most perfect glimpse of Heaven."
-- Lydia M. Child (1802-1880), abolishionist, activitist, novelist, journalist, and poet who wrote extensively on justice issues for Native Americans, African Americans, and women

"Our life is frittered away by detail.... Simplify, simplify."
-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), writer, dissenter, transcendentalist jailed for tax-resistance to the Mexican-American War and author of Civil Disobedience, arguing that conscience should be one's ultimate guiding light and influencing Gandhi and King

Meditations/prayers from Silent Unity's 2008 On Sacred Ground calendar:
"I am always in the presence of God, the presence of peace."
"The abundance of God is everywhere present and flows to me in fulfilling ways."
"I have instant access to the mind of God, and I am divinely directed in all I do."
"I am safe and secure in the presence of God."
"Through the life of God within, I am strengthened and renewed."
"With the love of God in my heart, I radiate peace to the world."

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Planet Earth

Twenty-four Hours of Democracy

Original text and graphics c. A Country Rag, Inc., Jonesborough TN, 2008, 2010.