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"Simon Says"


"Excuse me, I find your presence anywhere on the planet impossibly irritating. Poof."

Simon TheMan frisbees his phone to the porch of a "For Sale" home to lift Lemuel TheUnlucky by his neck's cuff and scruff with that freed hand.

"We have enough problems with orbiting garbage and oil-strewn gulfs and miserable bees and agonized apples and steaming streams and druggie droughts to also host you. Vaaaaaaaaaaaaaamoose, Unlucky. Vaaaaaaaaaaaaaamoose. Which reminds us..... Polar bears are tanning in forests moose used to roam. But buffalo have made a comeback. We let our bored children rope and ride them to calm their itty bitty nerves from the commute between Hoboken and Kansas City for jobs at a liveable wage. The only bennie is the pre-tax scenery past and oncoming. And we're proud to live in a country that can pay its reps an Arabian king's income for an old-fashioned teacher's schedule of (ha-ha LMAORF) workdays."

"But you, Lemuel, we cannot abide. It's put us over the top of grievance and true grit, and rueful wit. We sentence you and your whole fam to a lifetime of repetitive reboarding Pan Am GhostFlight #939 econ-class La Guardia to Amsterdam. Stay in the air. You all are NEVER again cleared for landing."

Simon taps his MickeyMouse watch to transmit for 311 backup from 8Um0\b147 standing by.


(~223 words 1332 characters)




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"The way of the Cross is not easy, yet it is the tuneful, the rhythmic, the beautiful, the lovely way."
-- Edgar Cayce, Association for Research and Enlightenment



Original text and graphics c. A Country Rag, Inc. and Jeannette Harris, Jonesborough TN, May 2015.



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